He Wants Me to be Victoria Secrets Model.

This was an excuse I used in my own head and heard from friends. "Men want the perfect woman who always wants sex". What I have actually learned is that what our husbands want is us but confident, sensual, wanting and needing him. He actually wants you to look at him with respect and adoration if he can't get that he will take the fake alternative on the commercial.

The Victoria Secrets models are young and sexual and men ARE driven by sight. However what the Victoria Secrets image is selling is the sensual, confident woman. They want you to buy their undies because you will turn into a sensual, confident woman if you do. They want men to buy their undies because it will turn their wives into the sensual, confident woman they are looking for. It is a common ad campaign and one that works REALLY well (even though I believe they border on the side of soft porn and shouldn't be aired during children's viewing hours).

Your spouse married you for a reason - he loves you. There are a few men out there with sexual addictions that do need help, but the average married man actually wants his wife. Over the last 15 years I have learned that the sexiest thing I can do for my husband isn't a negligee it is desiring him. When I show him I am interested in sex, that I want to be with him and that I enjoy him he is more turned on than any sexy ad on television. (Check out The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlesinger - great book on the power of women)

While you don't have to be a supermodel you do have to take care of yourself. Find ways to be healthy and confident in yourself. Groom yourself, exercise, eat appropriately. If you cannot accomplish these things - find out why? What is stopping you from taking care of yourself and being the confident, sexy you your husband desires.

If you feel awkward physically: Buy a video or take a class in pole dancing or striptease where you learn to see your body and move confidently. If you struggle emotionally with depression or anxiety: see a doctor or therapist. If you don't know where to start - reach out and share with us here at Sex Back In Marriage.

Lastly, remember that sexy is not always trampy. Take your eyes off of the sex around you, don't compare yourself with others or the tv. Just become the sexy person you were created to be. You don't have to "whore" yourself up to look good for your husband. Sexy is confidence. Sexy is desire. And once in a while for the spice of life - sexy is being there with bells on.