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That's just too weird...

I come from a mixed religous background but as a Christian woman I had a strong aversion to anything on the "toy/video" side of sex. I thought it was all about pornography, self-gratification and taking things to limits of ungodliness in sex. And while there is plenty of that I found that there are several ways to get help in your sexual relationship that are not "dirty" or "wrong".

The first thing that my husband and I used that was very helpful was an instructional video. I was so shy and embarrassed at first but I began to hear and see things that helped me make small changes. For example, on the one video it said that often women who have pain during intercourse are not getting enough foreplay stimulation/or need more lotion. Another was that women who have pain during intercourse may find it better to be on top during sex so they can control the depth of penetration.

The video helped in breaking out of the embarrassed mode into a communicating mode. We would watch the video and I could point at it and tell my husband that's what I like or what she's doing there I don't like, etc. It gave us openings to talk about things that might be hard to think of or bring up ourselves.

Now the idea of toys was always negative in my mind. I was never one to use a vibrator because I thought they were bad and only for masturbation. I was wrong. There are items we have used in foreplay and even intercourse that have been immensly helpful in getting me to relax and enjoy the event. For example, when sex was painful I would tighten up at the thought of penetration which made things even more painful. So we started using a small vibrator during foreplay on a slow speed. It helped relax my muscles and allowed me to move to intercourse without tightening up. I am not condoning all sexual toys or games or videos as I believe some are a perversion of what God intended, but I have also come to realize that used appropriately, together, there was great help to be found in this area.