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I Have a Headache.

The common joke among women about sex. We live in a society where we are expected to do and be everything. I don't know about you but I am tired at the end of the day and yet don't always feel like I accomplished anything. It is stressful to drive on the freeways and take care of family needs and cook and clean and work a job and still have a to do list the next day. In the midst of all of this I am supposed to find time to be intimate and feel sexual. All I want to do is nothing.

I am learning that the world around me (and the people in it) will take as much of me as they can get. It is up to me what I allow. Everyone has heard the story of the water pitcher and how it pours out into all the glasses around it but cannot continue to pour out if it doesn't get filled up. Filling up is a choice we all have to make. Carving out time in our schedules and saying no to some things is mandatory with all the demands around us.

I want to suggest to you that sex should be viewed not as one of the demands but as one of the things that fills us up. The time my husband and I take to be alone, forget the world, forget the schedules and focus on each other is healing. The pleasure we get from one another is satisfying and relaxing moments we steal are precious. I used to view sex as a demand on my todo list. Something I didn't really want to do but was expected to fulfill as part of my wife duties. Now I view it as something that helps me, fills me up, changes my perspective. I used to hate going away on weekends with my husband. It was so much change, so much work, spending money or whatever. Now I love to plan our getaways knowing I can relax, enjoy my husband, fill up on my needs and not think about work or home stuff.

Consider what you need to say no to and carve out time for yourself and your husband. Remember that you are a better mother, friend, employee, etc when you are getting your needs met. Change your thinking about sex being a todo item and make it a necessity for filling up your intimacy and pleasure needs.